Repeat after me: "Kmatieh...."

It's been quite a while, I only wish it had been longer! Lebanon went by in the blink of an eye but I loved it no less for the shortness. This year, contrary to all other years that I go back, I really, really felt like I was a part of something. I doubt that I am going to be able to explain this accurately or clearly, but I will try nonetheless because it is the most extraordinary feeling in the world.

Every summer that I have gone back to Lebs I have felt like it's a vacation. And that's it. A vacation in a foreign place like one would go to visit Paris or Hawaii or something. I would always have a great time, but by the end of the stay I would always be ready to "go home." I always stuck around with my family and visited all the people they did and went where they did and blah blah blah. I mean it was great, but it just never felt like a real place for me. It never felt like a second home like it did to my parents.

This year everything had changed. We mature so much and so quickly over a few short years that I guess it often takes something monumental to happen to really be able to take in the degree to which I have actually changed. Well, this year, upon arriving to Lebanon, I immediately felt soooo relieved to be there. RELIEVED. Maybe it was because I had missed it after not having gone last summer, or maybe it was because I missed my grandparents who I had grown accustomed to seeing everyday, but for whatever reason I felt that, regardless of the security there and all of my fears before I left, this is where I was meant to be. I think I felt like this for the entire rest of the trip, too. When we got to our town, Kmatieh (ask me to pronounce it for you), and started seeing all the familiar faces in the place where everybody knows everybody and everything about everybody, I was even more happy. This year, too, since we were older, we had our own sense of freedom. I didn't have to tag along with my parents when they went to go visit old friends of theirs. I could stay at home with Ruba and her brother and make new friends of my own. And so I did, with neighbors and friends of friends, and before too long we were going out, going downtown, going to dinners, and it felt like it does at home. Exactly like home. Only I still had that uncanny sense of relief and joy. So was it better than home?

I wish I had a million dollars. If I did the first thing I would do would be buy a plane ticket for each one of my friends and take you to this amazing place. The world is so different. In every possible way. People care about each other, putting other people before themselves. The most important thing is happiness rather than success, so everything is not about college and jobs and money, but rather about smiling and laughing and enjoying life to the fullest potential. While they soak up everything that is positive about life, Americans are busy worrying about everything that is wrong with it. Are you starting to see that some things are better than home?

This trip both opened my eyes and painfully confused me, as I hope this entry has done for you if you were kind enough to stick around and read it. Thanks for caring if you did in fact make it this far, and if you're ever in the mood (which I seriously doubt anyone in their right mind would be) don't hesitate to ask me about Lebs because, as you can see, I am more than willing to talk about it. Thanks again for reading, caring, and trying to understand.

Finally, I will leave you with this quote. I am so proud that I finally emotionally understand it.

"I am my mother's daughter"

And, for the love of God, go out and watch Spanglish.